OMFG KAOS
by tikitikirevenge
Summary: By me and hoogi. Master Hand makes all the Smash Brothers kill each other. The end. Woo. Read and review.
1. Introduction

**OMFG KAOS**

* * *

Created by _hoogiman_ and _tikitikirevenge_, in order of unimportance.

* * *

Disclaimer: The Board of Disagreement agrees about disagreeing anything that can be disagreed and/or agreed. In this case, then the agreement will be double-disagreed, therefore making it a double negative disagreement, therefore making it an agreement; so on, so forth. So our strategy is to triple-agree disagree agree which will equal to a disagreement, therefore accomplishing nothing.

And also, we don't own these characters. KAOS!

* * *

**Introduction**

* * *

So the Smash Brothers were at the Smash Mansion drinking Smash Juice when Smash Master Hand arrived to tell them some important news.

"Please, tell us what the important news is," said everyone.

So Master Hand said, "Okay, I'll tell you the important news."

Then he told them the important news.

"I'm signing you all up for a reality TV show!" he proclaimed.

Everyone stared blankly, except for Luigi, who fainted.

"_That's_ the important news?" demanded Kirby.

"What were you expecting?" said Master Hand angrily, "something nice?"

"I wanted food…" murmured Kirby, breaking into tears.

"Now look what you've done!" shouted Zelda angrily. "You've made the pink puffball cry!"

"No, you haven't!" pouted Jigglypuff.

"So anyway," said Master Hand, "I'm going to lock you all into the Smash Mansion for this TV show. The only way out is to die."

Everyone laughed appreciatively.

"And, of course, there will be cameras following all of them. The only way to escape their constant gaze – is to _die_."

Everyone laughed hesitantly.

"Oh, and you won't have much food to eat, so be careful you don't die," laughed Master Hand.

The few people still laughing stopped.

"Last person alive wins!" proclaimed Master Hand excitedly.

"WHAT?" yelled everyone.

"I _said_," repeated Master Hand, annoyed, "that whoever doesn't die _wins_!"

"WHAT?" yelled everyone.

"Screw this," said Master Hand, "the game starts – **now**!"

He flew out of the mansion and all the doors and windows locked behind him.

Everyone stood there, utterly stunned.

"Soo…" began Zelda, "should we panic or what?"

Everyone panicked.

* * *

**Note:** This chapter is basically establishing the premise and (maybe) tone of what is to follow. If you hate it, explain why. If you love it, pretend you hate it and explain why. If you don't care, pretend you love it and pretend you hate it and explain why.

Also, visit **hoogi,brickfilms,com/forum** and waste our precious bandwidth!


	2. First Deaths

**OMFG KAOS**

* * *

Created by _hoogiman_ and _tikitikirevenge_, in order of unimportance.

* * *

Disclaimer: The Board of Disagreement agrees about disagreeing anything that can be disagreed and/or agreed. In this case, then the agreement will be double-disagreed, therefore making it a double negative disagreement, therefore making it an agreement; so on, so forth. So our strategy is to triple-agree disagree agree which will equal to a disagreement, therefore accomplishing nothing.

And also, we don't own these characters. KAOS!

* * *

**First Deaths**

* * *

Being trapped and all, everyone panicked at once.

"AAH! WADDAWEGONNADO? WADDAWEGONNADO?" screamed Luigi, running around in circles.

"AHH! I'M SO SCARED! WE'RE GONNA DIE! WE'RE GONNA DIE!" screamed Zelda.

"Everybody, stop shouting! We can work this out systematically," said Link.

"Ararararararara… rarararararara… rarararararara… rarararara… rarara… rarara… rarara… rarara…" wailed Yoshi.

"OH NOES! OH NOES! OH NOES! OH NOES! OH NOES! OH NOES!" screamed Peach.

"Everybody, stop shouting!" yelled Link.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" screamed Ganondorf, like a girl, completely out of character, and stretching the page like all of those stories with less than 100 words.

"Ararararararara… rarararararara… rarararararara… rarararara… rarara… rarara… rarara… rarara…" wailed Yoshi.

"EVERYBODY, STOP SHOUTING! WE DON'T HAVE TO KEEP ON PANICKING OR IT WILL RESULT IN VIOLENCE!" yelled Link.

"Ararararararara… rarararararara… rarararararara… rarararara… rarara… rarara… rarara… rarara…" wailed Yoshi.

"OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO" screamed Jigglypuff, even though she couldn't speak English, and was acting totally out of character.

"**EVERYBODY, STOP SHOUTING! WE DON'T HAVE TO KEEP ON PANICKING OR IT WILL RESULT IN VIOLENCE!**" yelled Link at the top of his lungs.

Everybody continued panicking.

Link got a cannon, and shot Luigi.

Everybody continued panicking.

Link shot Luigi again.

Everybody continued panicking.

Link shot Luigi a third time, killing him.

Everybody continued panicking.

Link pointed the cannon at the popcorn machine.

Everyone screeched to a halt, shocked.

Link repeated, once again, "Stop. Panicking."

"You're bluffing," said Zelda, eyeing the popcorn machine. "You'd never dare destroy the _popcorn machine_."

"Well, guess what?" said Link. "You're wrong. I will do anything it takes to stop this horrific rioting."

"Did-a you just kill Luigi?" asked Mario.

"Yep," said Link angrily.

Silence.

"Meh," everyone said at the same time.

"Luigi is dead," said Link forcefully.

"YAY!" everyone yelled, dancing around and celebrating in a **happy** kind of riot.

* * *

While everyone had been panicking in the dining room, Kirby snuck off into the kitchen with a single, all-important goal in mind: food.

"Must… find… food…" he muttered, turning his attention to the gigantic refrigerator at the end of the room.

* * *

Little did Kirby know that he was being watched from afar by Master Hand at his television studio.

"This show is going to be great!" he exclaimed. "I'm going to make so much money out of this one… the sponsorship deals…"

"Mister Hand?" said a Koopa with a clipboard, sidling up alongside him.

"I told all you mindless lackeys to call me _master_," snapped Master Hand. "I _own_ you all! OWN! MUAH HA HA HA HA HA!"

The Koopa stared, disturbed.

Recovering his composure, Master Hand then said, "I mean, yes?"

"According to what you said yesterday, the audience is loving this show!"

"Wonderful!" beamed Master Hand, "I expect lots of reviews!"

"And someone was asking about the discontinuation of the Peach Viewer Mail program?"

"Ah, it'll be back one of these days," said Master Hand, "so- _what is Kirby doing_? Quick! Get this on air!"

* * *

Kirby, slowly and surely, began pushing the fridge into his mouth.

_The pain_, he thought, _the horrible pain_. Then he remembered the food. The wonderful food.

He kept on cramming the fridge into his mouth, until there was only a tiny bit of it sticking out. Which was still huge.

At that moment, Young Link entered the kitchen looking for a glass of milk and saw Kirby.

"Oh, no!" he gasped. "Kirby ate most of our food supplies!"

Kirby's eyes widened, realising that he had been caught.

"KIRBY ATE OUR FOOD!" screamed Young Link, running around like a headless chicken, possibly because he had just managed to cut his head off with a _spork_.

He died.

"KILL KIRBY!" shouted everyone else, flooding into the kitchen.

"AHH AHHH AHHH Ahhh" said Kirby, running out.

"Get your spoons and forks, and **kill **the one who took our food supplies!" shouted Link. "…Uh… In a responsible way…"

"AHHAAHAA AHH AHHH ahh I'M SO SCARED RUN FOR MY LIFE" said Kirby, running for his life.

Unfortunately, at this moment, Kirby tripped over the popcorn machine, and fell to the ground, panting.

"He tripped over the popcorn machine!" screeched Zelda.

Everyone dived on Kirby and stabbed him to death.

* * *

"I like where this is going," said Master Hand. "Uh… **reviews! NOW!**"

He disappeared.

* * *

**Time since lockdown:** 3 minutes.

**Deaths:** Luigi (shotgun), Young Link (spork), Kirby (mob)

* * *

**Note:** Hoogiman and tikitikirevenge co-authored this chapter. Can you tell who wrote which parts? (Hint: Hoogiman likes capitals. And repetition. And capitals.)

Also, visit **hoogi,brickfilms,com/forum** and waste our precious bandwidth!


	3. CAHPTER TREE

**OMFG KAOS**

* * *

Created by _hoogiman_ and _tikitikirevenge_, in order of unimportance.

* * *

Disclaimer: The Board of Disagreement agrees about disagreeing anything that can be disagreed and/or agreed. In this case, then the agreement will be double-disagreed, therefore making it a double negative disagreement, therefore making it an agreement; so on, so forth. So our strategy is to triple-agree disagree agree which will equal to a disagreement, therefore accomplishing nothing.

And also, we don't own these characters. KAOS!

* * *

**CAHPTER TREE**

* * *

"Look everybody, see how much we accomplished by killing the source that made us lose our food?" asked Link.

"No, not really," said Ness. "Did killing Kirby bring our food source back? No. All we've proved is that Link is responsible, responsible for killing someone!"

"How dare you question my authority!"

Link rammed a sword into Ness' gut.

Everyone stared, speechless.

"You just killed me!" said Ness, shocked.

"No, I didn't!" said Link, "You're still talking!"

"Excuse me, there's a _freaking sword through my stomach_!" shouted Ness.

"Oh, _that_ killing," said Link.

"Why did you do this? It's so unlike you," moaned Ness, blood now soaking his shirt.

"Well, you see, Ness," began Link, "during times of trouble and pain, we must make sacrifices in order to uphold order, and prevent chaos. For with chaos, only death will result."

"And how does _killing_ me stop people dying?" demanded Ness angrily.

"Ooh," said Link. "I hadn't thought of that; good point."

"You idiot," said Ness. "Well, at least you can restore order by following these three… simple… steps…"

Ness died.

"Darn it!" cussed Link. "Well, now order should restore itself."

The rioting began anew.

* * *

Amidst all this rioting, Mewtwo approached Pikachu, Pichu, and Jigglypuff.

"_Fellow Pokemon,_" he bethought, "_the time has come for me to grab for power! I can establish control from this anarchy and RULE SUPREME by breeding a super race of Pokemon!_"

"What?" said Pikachu.

"_Uh… dudes…_" said Mewtwo, "_We must… find… food… to eat… follow me… to my non-secret non-genetic-lab non-evil-base… bedroom…_"

"Ooh! Sounds like fun!" exclaimed Pichu brightly.

"I like fun!" added Jigglypuff.

The four Pokemon snuck out of the room, unnoticed.

* * *

Finally, the rioting and panicking and chaos reached a momentary lapse, and Link was quick to take advantage of the situation.

"All right, everyone, let's just all give Link his shirt back," he said.

People started hitting Link.

* * *

"We all are sitting in a TV studio," said Master Hand. "Look how well, and long this TV show will last!"

"Um… sir… four people have died in the space of two minutes, at this rate, the show will last twelve and a half minutes!" said a producer of the show.

Master Hand pondered the statement for about ten seconds.

"Hey you…" said Master Hand.

"Yes?" said the producer.

"Look over there," said Master Hand.

The producer looked over there, and then looked back.

"Um… it would be nice if you could look over there, and stay looking over there," said Master Hand, in an obviously fake cheery tone.

The producer looked over there, and stayed looking over there.

Master Hand got out a fish, and slapped the producer with it.

"But… but… with all of that build up and dialogue, did it all lead up to this, just so you could slap me over the head with a fish? Or are you stalling for time, because after all, I would see a reason why the author would want to make this longer, because without the disclaimer and this long paragraph and all, the story in itself would become very short.

"If the story became short, the story would become bad," continued Master Hand, "as people are more likely to read stories when they see **huge chunks of indecipherable text which looks as if it has been written as a thesis by a cross-breed between an English major and a lab rat**, right? Huh? Am I right? Who's in da house? Is that true, man? You dig? Huh? Huh?"

"You're disturbing me," said the producer.

"Well, uh…" Master Hand said as he poured gas all over the producer and lit him on fire. "Well you're on fire now! Which makes me better!"

The producer could not give a witty reply, as he was burning to death.

"Oh, by the way, you're _fired_," said Master Hand. "Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Get it? _Fired_?"

The producer could not give a witty reply, as he was burning to death.

"Oh, right, that," said Master Hand.

* * *

"Rioting sucks," said Roy to Marth, "let's go back to your room and use the concubines."

Suddenly, Marth had a lucid flashback.

"_I have taken away the concubines," said Master Hand, "and sold them for oil."_

"NOOOO!" said Marth.

"I guess we keep rioting," added Roy.

He stepped on Luigi's corpse. Sadly, nobody cared.

* * *

**Time since lockdown:** 6 minutes.

**Deaths:** Luigi (shotgun), Young Link (spork), Kirby (mob), Ness (freaking sword through stomach)

* * *

**Note:** Hoogiman and tikitikirevenge co-authored this chapter. Can you tell who wrote which parts? (Hint: Hoogiman wrote the bit about Master Hand. And the first three lines. It's not that hard…)

Also, visit **hoogi,brickfilms,com/forum** and waste our precious bandwidth!


	4. F0RTH CHAPTER

**OMFG KAOS**

* * *

Created by _hoogiman_ and _tikitikirevenge_, in order of unimportance.

* * *

Disclaimer: The Board of Disagreement agrees about disagreeing anything that can be disagreed and/or agreed. In this case, then the agreement will be double-disagreed, therefore making it a double negative disagreement, therefore making it an agreement; so on, so forth. So our strategy is to triple-agree disagree agree which will equal to a disagreement, therefore accomplishing nothing.

And also, we don't own these characters. KAOS!

* * *

**FORTH** **CHAPTER**

* * *

"Look everyone!" announced Peach, as everybody was rioting.

Everybody stopped.

"I made a blog!" said Peach.

Everybody came over to look at Peach's blog.

"What's on your blog-a?" asked Mario.

"Words!" said Peach.

Mario read out loud:

"We are stuck in the mansion. My hair is too long. I should cut my hair. Ganondorf never cuts his hair, but that's okay, because he's really a girl. And Mario is really short, just like Yoshi, Nana, Popo, and all those nasty Pokemon."

"I spelt 'Pokemon' all by myself!" said Peach brightly.

Everyone kept on reading:

"Also, Ness is really stupid, so it's good that Link killed him, but Link looks like a dork, and I want to kill him because I think he's a big jerk, and also, I'm on TV! And…"

Bowser crept out of the mansion, picked up the nearest primary school, shook all of the kids out of the building, lifted the structure up, went back to Smash Mansion, and rammed the school down Peach's throat.

"Ow…" said Peach.

"You're not dead?" exclaimed everyone.

"Why?" said Peach. "Do you want to _kill_ me, you big, nasty… people? Well, nyah!"

Peach stuck her tongue out at everyone else.

* * *

Mewtwo crept into his bedroom of _doom_, with Pikachu, Pichu and Jigglypuff trailing close behind.

A window fell on Falco.

"WTF? What am I doing here?" asked Falco.

"Kill him," said Mewtwo.

Jigglypuff got a spoon, and repeatedly jabbed Falco in the eye.

"_Hahaha, I have trained them well!_" thought Mewtwo.

"That's pathetic! You think you're beating me up with a spoon?" chuckled Falco. "What's next? The toaster?"

Jigglypuff toasted Falco's pinkie finger in the toaster, which burnt his finger.

Falco started sucking his thumb.

"That really hurt, you know," said Falco.

A nearby duck choked on rubbish, and staggered into the Smash Mansion. It then scampered upstairs into Mewtwo's bedroom, and then projectile vomited the rubbish into Falco's throat, killing him.

"So, what are we doing here?" said Pikachu.

"Ooh, dead body," said Pichu. He prodded it with a paw. "It's feathery!"

"Yes," said Mewtwo. "That's right, Pichu. Death is warm and fuzzy… you shall all learn to embrace death… muah, ha, ha!"

Falco's beak landed on Mewtwo's head.

"How the _heck_ did his beak get there?" said Mewtwo, angrily.

"It fell onto you," explained Pikachu.

"That's not even an _explanation_!" shouted Mewtwo.

"Indeed," said Jigglypuff.

* * *

Everybody had settled down.

"Well," said Link, "as much as I disapprove of killing people, I have to say that Peach really deserved that death."

"Yeah," said Samus. "Especially that last bit. That was _sooo_ fitting. After spending a lifetime… well, you know."

"Yes-a," said Mario. "Most ironic. But it was probably quite painful for her, you know-a."

Marth shrugged. "Well, at least she died in the most funny way imaginable."

"That was hilarious, and completely befitting," agreed Bowser.

"That was disgusting," said Zelda. "I don't even want to _think_ about it again."

Link nodded. "Zelda has a reasonable point. Maybe we should just never, ever, _ever_ talk about the way Peach died again. Ever. And we can just remember it as a private joke."

"Never talk about it again?" said Nana.

"Never talk about it again," said Link.

"Despite how amazingly funny it was?" said Young Link.

"Despite how amazingly funny it was," said Link.

"And nobody else will ever know?" said Samus.

"And nobody else will ever know," said Link.

"Good idea," said Marth.

"You know, we could stop rioting," suggested Link.

"That's a good idea," said Roy.

"We should wipe up what little of Peach remains," suggested Marth.

"That's a great idea," said Fox. "Hey, guys! I should get Falco to show you his _amazing_ technique of mopping up dead remains! It's just mindblowing! You'll all love it!"

Fox grinned.

Falco's body, on a sled with a cassette tape playing next to him slid down the stairs into the main hall, playing various themes from, 'The Wizard of Oz'.

"Aw, shucks," said Fox.

"Do we even _have_ a mop?" said Link.

* * *

**Time since lockdown:** 10 minutes.

**Deaths:** Luigi (shotgun), Young Link (spork), Kirby (mob), Ness (freaking sword through stomach), Falco (chocking on projectile vomit), Peach (a death to horrific (and funny) to be read by mortal eyes)

* * *

**Note:** Hoogiman and tikitikirevenge co-authored this chapter. Can you tell who wrote which parts? (Hint: Hoogiman wrote the bits that he wrote. I mean, _duh_…)

Also, visit **hoogi,brickfilms,com/forum** and waste our precious bandwidth!

* * *


	5. CHAPTER VEE

**OMFG KAOS**

* * *

Created by _hoogiman_ and _tikitikirevenge_, in order of unimportance.

* * *

Disclaimer: The Board of Disagreement agrees about disagreeing anything that can be disagreed and/or agreed. In this case, then the agreement will be double-disagreed, therefore making it a double negative disagreement, therefore making it an agreement; so on, so forth. So our strategy is to triple-agree disagree agree which will equal to a disagreement, therefore accomplishing nothing.

And also, we don't own these characters. KAOS!

* * *

**CHAPTER VEE**

* * *

"We need a mop!" shouted Link. "Otherwise we can't clean up all the dead bodies!"

The Smashers all went to the dining room. They all looked around, but they couldn't find a mop.

"Wait, why would there be a mop in the _dining_ room?" asked Nana.

"Good point," said Samus. "Actually, I think I used it to wipe up a huge pile of human remains earlier today. In the kitchen."

"As in, before people started dying?" said Link. "But how?"

"Uh…" said Samus, "where could that mop have gone?"

The Smashers went to the kitchen. Kirby's flattened body was still lying there.

"Let's look around," said Link.

And they did. They checked the door, the little corner behind the door, the space in front of the door, inside the fridge, the floor, the kitchen sink, the juice blender, the broken remains of the popcorn machine, and the inside of Kirby's body just in case.

But no luck.

"No idea where the mop is," said Captain Falcon. "Maybe it's stuck to the ceiling."

"That's a stupid idea," said Link.

"But it could be," said Captain Falcon.

"Why would the mop be stuck to the ceiling, Captain Loser?" said Link.

"Oooh, insult," said Captain Falcon. "Er… perhaps it's because it's a really pointy, sharp mop, and it got stuck?"

"Captain Falcon," said Link, "the mop is _not_ as pointy as a sword, and it is certainly not embedded in the ceiling. There's no need to look up."

"Do-a we even _have_ a mop?" said Mario.

The mop fell from the ceiling and poked its way through the top of Mario's head, driving all the way down to the ground, so it looked like Mario was wearing a mop-like wig. The fridge then exploded, showering Mario's body with bits of pumpkin.

"_See?_" said Captain Falcon.

"Okay," said Link, "there's the mop."

* * *

"Huh," said Master Hand, who was watching from his live TV studio. "It looks as if they found that mop already. Wasn't my hiding place clever?"

"Indeed," said his programming executive, Medusa.

"I thought it was a nice touch to stick it up there with our sponsors' bubble gum," added Master Hand.

"Very clever," said Medusa.

"Who's Medusa?" said some random guy who was just asking for an infodump.

Ness' ghost floated up, saying, "Oh, Medusa is just the villain from Kid Icarus."

"Why is she in this story?" said the random guy.

"Because it shows how in touch everyone is, having Kid Icarus characters in the story, because **PIT IS THE NEWEST SMASH BROTHER BUT HOW WILL HE COPE**," said Ness.

"Ah," said the random guy. "Hey… how can you talk if you're dead?"

"Oh," said Ness, in a nerd voice, "in the game Earthbound, I got to float around a bit once I died but my friends were alive."

"Hey, Hoogi," said Tiki, "we've just included references to _two_ games with cult followings! Now we've _got_ to get lots of reviews!"

"Yay for fangirls!1" replied Hoogiman.

"WTF?" said the random guy.

"Fourth wall," said Ness. "You wouldn't understand." He disappeared forever.

* * *

"Let's try and escape!" said Marth to Roy, sneaking off from the group.

"'kay," replied Roy, "But how will we escape?"

"With these conveniently placed escape tools!" replied Marth.

Nothing happened.

"I said, with these conveniently placed escape tools!" replied Marth.

Some conveniently placed escape tools appeared.

"Yay!" said Roy.

"Let's try and escape from the fifth storey!" said Marth.

"Fifth storey, more like, fourth storey!" said Roy, wittily.

Laugh track.

"Fifth storey, more like, third storey!" said Roy.

Laugh track.

"Fifth storey, more like, second storey!" said Roy.

Laugh track.

"Fifth storey, more like, ground storey!" said Roy.

No one laughed.

"Maybe the joke was getting a bit old," said Marth.

"Okay, let's escape from the fifth storey!"

They ran up to the fifth storey.

"Here is a window!" said Roy.

…

…

"Where we can escape from!" said Roy.

"Aah!" said Marth, understandingly, "Now I understand!"

"How do we escape?" asked Roy.

"How about, we put wet objects into the unsafe power sockets? That should work and not lead to the fateful death of one of us!" replied Marth.

Marth did.

Marth died due to electrocution.

"AAAH!" screamed Marth.

Roy looked, shocked.

"At least I have these conveniently placed escape tools!" said Roy.  
They disappeared.

"Aww," said Roy.

They appeared again.

"Yay!" said Roy.

…just out of Roy's reach.

"Aww," said Roy.

Roy used a chair to get them.

"Drat," said the man who controls gravity.

"Now I can escape!" said Roy.

Roy used a very heavy object to break open the window.

"Yay!" said Roy, "Now I can escape!"

Roy jumped out.

And died.

"Now I remember," said Roy, saying his last words, "This side of the house was over a cliff."

Roy fell off the cliff.

Roy died.

The window resealed itself somehow.

* * *

"All right," said Link, "let's start mopping!"

"But I want to go _insane_!" whined Nana.

"Well, you're not allowed to," said Link.

"Seriously," said Nana, "I was having a lot more fun when we were all rioting."

"_Nana_…" said Popo, tugging at Nana's arm.

"Hey!" said Link. "Whatever happens, we must _not_ be violent!"

"Uh, okay," said Nana. "All I wanted was just to kill a person or two."

"This conversation isn't contributing anything," added Popo.

Popo didn't die.

"Phew," said Popo.

The chapter died.

* * *

**Time since lockdown:** 15 minutes.

**Deaths:** Luigi (shotgun), Young Link (spork), Kirby (mob), Ness (freaking sword through stomach), Falco (chocking on projectile vomit), Peach (a death to horrific (and funny) to be read by mortal eyes), Mario (impaled by mop), Marth (electrocuted), Roy (falling off a cliff, indoors)

* * *

**Note:** Hoogiman and tikitikirevenge co-authored this chapter. Can you tell who wrote which parts? (Hint: Hoogiman was really lazy and only wrote the Marth and Roy bit. Can you work it out from that?)

Also, visit **hoogi(dot)brickfilms(dot)com/forum** and waste our precious bandwidth!

* * *


End file.
